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[22 Jun 2005|12:39pm] |
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STG!!! 120!!! =) excitement.
still fat, but i got my first goal. so deal.
BMI = 20.023668639053252
*sigh* stillllllll fattttttttttttttt. wah.
i gave blood yesterday. but in 10 pounds, i wont be able to!! =D
all for now. i'm going to celebrate with something not food related, though what, i dont know.
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[17 Jun 2005|03:03pm] |
[x-posted]
Can we compile a list of all the decent books about eating disorders? Preferably "trigger books" (though i dont really like that name, you all know what I mean). Here's a list of books that I've read and recommend, please comment with more & if you could, denote which ED(s) they include. Of course, I will start with the obvious, and my personal favorite.
- Wasted, by Marya Hornbacher [ana/mia] [a biography]
- My Name Is Caroline, by Caroline Adams Miller [mia, coe] [a biography]
- Starving for Attention, by Cherry Boone O'Neill. [primarily ana, with some mia and coe] [a biography]
- The Best Little Girl in the World, by Steven Levenkron [ana]
- Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self, by Lori Gottlieb [ana] [a biography]
- Inner hunger: A young woman's struggle through anorexia and bulimia, by Marianne Apostolides [obviously ana and mia] [a biography]
- The Monster Within: facing an eating disorder, by Cynthia Rowland McClure [mostly mia, if i remember correctly] [a biography]
That's all I can remember right now. Keep in mind that there are lots more books about EDs, and I'm sure that many of them are good as well.
Stay strong, -Bethany
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[15 Jun 2005|01:39pm] |
I would just like to note that "Mr. Bad Food" has just released things that make you crave more food. They all come from industrial food places. Burger joints, starbucks, subway, and an ice cream place. dont do it!
5 ways to reist cravings (from mr. bad food):
1. Do Some "Fear Factor" Food-Imaging! Take your trigger food and imagine it in the grossest way possible. If your weakness is spaghetti, for example, close your eyes and imagine your pasta as a bowlful of bloody worms -- still wiggling! Imagine looking closely at those worms as you dig in with your fork. Let yourself get disgusted by the sight and smell. Do this a couple of times and see what happens to your spaghetti cravings!
2. Become Your Own Traffic Police! Here is another technique from behavioral psychology called "stop thought." When you are tempted to put those cookies to your lips, try imagining a large red stop sign right in front of you and yell STOP! Of course if you are with others you can yell silently so people won't talk. Many times we eat bad foods mindlessly, and need to be our own food police to bring it back to our attention.
3. Take a Dolce Vita Mind Trip! Do you turn to junk food as an antidote to stress? You may have noticed by now, that ultimately it doesn't work. Beyond the temporary moment of chewing pleasure, you end up feeling even more anxious for having blown your diet! Instead of turning to extra calories, turn inward for one to two minutes. Close your eyes, and visualize yourself on a nice warm beach, lying in the sand and feeling the salt air cool your skin. Listen to the waves and the seagulls' song in the distance. You get the idea.
4. Breathe and Break the Chain of Temptation! Anytime you overeat, there is really a chain of events happening. Overeating doesn't start with polishing off the entire bag of chips -- that is the end result of a series of mini-events. You can break that chain at any time, by stopping to breathe.
Here's how it works. Your first step might be heading toward the chips. You can break the chain here by stopping in your tracks and taking four slow, deep breaths. Then turn around and do something else. If you are beyond the first step, catch yourself at the second step, which might be opening the cabinet where the loot lies. Stopping yourself at any point in the chain will strengthen your ability to eventually avoid overeating altogether.
5. Keep a Kudos Tally Sheet! Seeing a graphic display of the fruit of your efforts will motivate you to go beyond what you thought you were capable of. Every time you say "no" to temptation, put a check mark on your sheet. Plan to reward yourself (in a non-food related way) when you've earned a certain number of checks.
Remember, everyone who was ever really successful in life, didn't become that way by never failing. They did it by knowing how to pick themselves up and keep trying until they reached the finish line. You have it in you to succeed, too!
Sorry, that was kind of fruity sounding, but it's true. gotta go pom. wish me luck! =/
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[12 Jun 2005|06:22pm] |
i threw up today.
i've been eating too much.
pom tryouts are tomorrow and i really want to make varsity.
REALLY.
i REALLY want to make varsity.
'cause theyre hardcore and do a lot of cardio & strength training.
but i'm really fat.
encouragement please?
♥
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| 123. |
[29 May 2005|06:17pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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Doves |
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I b/ped today.
I thought I was over this.... guess not. *Sigh*.
Here we go again....
-Bethany
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| smallstep.gov |
[23 Apr 2005|01:18pm] |
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mood |
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 alright, i guess. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sting. hahahaha. |
] |
got this from http://smallstep.gov.
Small Steps
Take Small Steps Today!
1. Walk to work.
2. Use fat free milk over whole milk.
3. Do sit-ups in front of the TV.
4. Walk during lunch hour.
5. Drink water before a meal.
6. Eat leaner red meat & poultry.
7. Eat half your dessert.
8. Walk instead of driving whenever you can.
9. Take family walk after dinner.
10. Skate to work instead of driving.
11. Avoid food portions larger than your fist.
12. Mow lawn with push mower.
13. Increase the fiber in your diet.
14. Walk to your place of worship instead of driving.
15. Walk kids to school.
16. Get a dog and walk it.
17. Join an exercise group.
18. Drink diet soda.
19. Replace Sunday drive with Sunday walk.
20. Do yard work.
21. Eat off smaller plates.
22. Get off a stop early & walk.
23. Don't eat late at night.
24. Skip seconds.
25. Work around the house.
26. Skip buffets.
27. Grill, steam or bake instead of frying.
28. Bicycle to the store instead of driving.
29. Take dog to the park.
30. Ask your doctor about taking a multi-vitamin.
31. Go for a half-hour walk instead of watching TV.
32. Use vegetable oils over solid fats.
33. More carrots, less cake.
34. Fetch the newspaper yourself.
35. Sit up straight at work.
36. Wash the car by hand.
37. Don't skip meals.
38. Eat more celery sticks.
39. Run when running errands.
40. Pace the sidelines at kids' athletic games.
41. Take wheels off luggage.
42. Choose an activity that fits into your daily life.
43. Try your burger with just lettuce, tomato, and onion.
44. Ask a friend to exercise with you.
45. Make time in your day for physical activity.
46. Exercise with a video if the weather is bad.
47. Bike to the barbershop or beauty salon instead of driving.
48. Keep to a regular eating schedule.
49. If you find it difficult to be active after work, try it before work.
50. Take a walk or do desk exercises instead of a cigarette or coffee break.
51. Perform gardening or home repair activities.
52. Avoid laborsaving devices.
53. Take small trips on foot to get your body moving.
54. Play with your kids 30 minutes a day.
55. Dance to music.
56. Keep a pair of comfortable walking or running shoes in your car and office.
57. Make a Saturday morning walk a group habit.
58. Walk briskly in the mall.
59. Choose activities you enjoy & you'll be more likely to stick with them.
60. Stretch before bed to give you more energy when you wake.
61. Take the long way to the water cooler.
62. Explore new physical activities.
63. Vary your activities, for interest and to broaden the range of benefits.
64. Reward and acknowledge your efforts.
65. Choose fruit for dessert.
66. Consume alcoholic beverages in moderation, if at all.
67. Take stairs instead of the escalator.
68. Conduct an inventory of your meal/snack and physical activity patterns.
69. Share an entree with a friend.
70. Grill fruits or vegetables.
71. Eat before grocery shopping.
72. Choose a checkout line without a candy display.
73. Make a grocery list before you shop.
74. Buy 100% fruit juices over soda and sugary drinks.
75. Stay active in winter. Play with your kids.
76. Flavor foods with herbs, spices, and other low fat seasonings.
77. Remove skin from poultry before cooking to lower fat content.
78. Eat before you get too hungry.
79. Don't skip breakfast.
80. Stop eating when you are full.
81. Snack on fruits and vegetables.
82. Top your favorite cereal with apples or bananas.
83. Try brown rice or whole-wheat pasta.
84. Include several servings of whole grain food daily.
85. When eating out, choose a small or medium portion.
86. If main dishes are too big, choose an appetizer or a side dish instead.
87. Ask for salad dressing "on the side".
88. Don't take seconds.
89. Park farther from destination and walk.
90. Try a green salad instead of fries.
91. Bake or broil fish.
92. Walk instead of sitting around.
93. Eat sweet foods in small amounts.
94. Take your dog on longer walks.
95. Drink lots of water.
96. Cut back on added fats or oils in cooking or spreads.
97. Walk the beach instead of sunbathing.
98. Walk to a co-worker's desk instead of emailing or calling them.
99. Carry your groceries instead of pushing a cart.
100. Use a snow shovel instead of a snow blower.
101. Cut high-calorie foods like cheese and chocolate into smaller pieces and only eat a few pieces.
102. Use nonfat or low-fat sour cream, mayo, sauces, dressings, and other condiments.
103. Replace sugar sweetened beverages with water and add a twist of lemon or lime.
104. Replace high-saturated fat/high calorie seasonings with herbs grown in a small herb garden in your kitchen window.
105. Refrigerate prepared soups before you eat them. As the soup cools, the fat will rise to the top. Skim it off the surface for reduced fat content.
106. When eating out, ask your server to put half your entrée in a to-go bag.
107. Substitute vegetables for other ingredients in your sandwich.
108. Every time you eat a meal, sit down, chew slowly, and pay attention to flavors and textures.
109. Try a new fruit or vegetable (ever had jicama, plantain, bok choy, starfruit or papaya?)
110. Make up a batch of brownies with applesauce instead of oil or shortening.
111. Instead of eating out, bring a healthy, low calorie lunch to work.
112. Ask your sweetie to bring you fruit or flowers instead of chocolate.
113. Speak up for the salad bar when your coworkers are picking a restaurant for lunch, and remember calories count, so pay attention to how much and what you eat.
114. When walking, go up the hills instead of around them.
115. Walk briskly through the mall and shop 'til you drop ... pounds.
116. Clean your closet and donate clothes that are too big.
117. Take your body measurements to gauge progress.
118. Buy a set of hand weights and play a round of Simon Says with your kids - you do it with the weights, they do without.
119. Swim with your kids.
120. Wear a SmallSteps bracelet to remind you to live a healthier lifestyle every day.
i'm 123. doing better, by no means good. was almost 130 again, and i couldnt let that happen. *sigh*. here we go again....
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| 119 |
[03 Nov 2004|09:23pm] |
I weighed myself right after I posted the previous entry, i weighed myself. I was really nervous and scared, though. I'm such a wuss. Anyways, as of last night around 945pm EST, I was 119. *Sigh* Yuck.
I was four pounds lighter than I thought I'd be, but you know how that feels: you're still fat. It's like thinking you failed a test, and then getting a D minus. It's better, but still horrible. [No offense if you get D minuses like me on my physics test =( ]
Anyways, I seriously need to get rid of my Halloween candy. I'll probably take it in to school. I just need to do it. I wish they'd take candy at the food drive. I read in the paper that a dentist was buying candy from kids who went trick-or-treating for $1 per pound and then sending the candy + toothbrushes to people in Iraq. Hell, I'd take the money anyday.
I gotta go before I'm kicked off. Wish me luck. <3Bethany
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[02 Nov 2004|05:20pm] |
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 Fat |
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music |
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Evening: Winter in Bloom |
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Okay. This is a mad, crazy post for MalakianMania, who was sweet enough to IM me and ask how I was because I hadnt posted (awww!) which totally made my day.
Well, to start, i hate halloween. I went trick or treating with some friends, and i've just been binging on candy since. I'm so afraid to weigh myself. My best guess is about 123 pounds. I hope I'm a LOT less.
I havent been purging. I've been trying really hard not to. Sometimes I'll just throw up naturally in my mouth without even sticking my fingers down or anything. I'll literally overstuff myself, and throw it up without trying. My body's just used to that cycle now.
I'm really depressed right now. I hate my body. I think I'm going to skip gymnastics. It's too hard, and I dont like doing it. I like the people, but i always feel inferior, and I always want to be the best at everything.
( Tips )
( 81 calorie Potato Soup )
( 97-calorie Summer Pasta )
( 50 Deadliest Dieting Mistakes )
And just because I'm rad, I'll post a few homecoming photos.
( Homecoming )
All for now. I'll try to be back soon. IM me or email me at VenomOfVenus or preshrunkkisses@yahoo.com
I miss you guys! <3Bethany
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[23 Sep 2004|08:59pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted and depressed |
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music |
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coheed & cambria - in keeping secrets of the silent earth: 3 |
] |
Jared kept poking my legs and arms and saying "Jiggle jiggle jiggle!" and laughing today at lunch. I wanted to smack him around the planet. I swear, he acts like a two year old sometimes. If he knew i was this self consious, he wouldnt say shit like that. And I would NEVER say shit like that to him, because i KNOW he's self consious. It was like... the low point of my day. That and feeling like a heifer all fucking week. I've been so fucking fat lately it's unbelievable. I just look in the mirror and i literally have the impulse to vomit. Just thinking about how fat i am makes me tear up, right here as i write this. I'm trying so hard not to purge; just for Erik. I dont even care about doing it; its just for erik. I cant do it. I go two days, three days, my max was five. I'm not good enough. He said to me the other day "But I'd give up an eating disorder for you." Thanks erik. I didnt tell him, and probably should, but that really hurt. He's never been through this, how the hell would he know what it's like to "give up" an ED. If it's possible to just "give it up", that is. I'm so huge. I'm getting cold just sitting here, so i just looked down to pull down my shirt more, and all i see is fat: this big fat stomach. Anyways, erik keeps telling me that i have control over food, and that i can do it if i try hard enough, and its all a crock of shit. I'm powerless, useless, worthless. I wish I had the control to be ana. Or give up mia. But i cant do it; i'm just too fucking weak. In the mean time, i've developed bronchal spasms, according to my doctor (it was awful during a mad cold i'm still getting over). My eyes are so bloodshot - i've definitely popped vessels. I'm eating everything. I'm so tired and hungry and worn out from leaving for school around 715am and getting back after drivers ed around 730pm. On band nights (wednesdays) i get back from school & driver's ed and band (at night) at 930pm.
Anyways, after this mad bitch session, even though i have sooo much more to bitch about, i'm way too tired and i have homework to do yet. And now i'm crying. Why do i always break down like this? I hope i passed that physics test... *sigh*. This life is too much, too fast. I got 4 books to read at the library that i really want to read, but i havent had time yet. *Sigh*. I'm gonna go finish my homework and cry.
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| Protect Me From What I Want |
[31 Aug 2004|08:38pm] |
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music |
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Pixies |
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Protect Me From What I Want - Placebo
It's that disease of the age
It's that disease that we crave
Alone at the end of the rave
We catch the last bus home
Corporate America wakes
Coffee republic and cakes
We open the latch on the gate
Of the hole that we call our home
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Maybe we're victims of fate
Remember when we'd celebrate
We'd drink and get high until late
And now we're all alone
Wedding bells ain't gonna chime
With both of us guilty of crime
And both of us sentenced to time
And now we're all alone
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
Protect me from what I want...
Protect me protect me
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[29 Aug 2004|06:24pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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Pink Floyd |
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Guess who has to go eat pizza with the family?
And guess who's water is turn off because her dad is installing a new sink?
God, I hate puking in bags.
*Rolls eyes*
This SO blows ass. I already ate 2 bowls of cereal and two cupcakes today. UGH. I didn't know the water was off. Good thing i wash my hands first...
Wish me luck.
<3
Go do some jumping jacks. 100. Or I'll kick your ass.
I'm doing them!
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| HOLY FUCK! |
[26 Aug 2004|07:07pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Modest mouse - their older stuff was better. |
] |
My dad has apparently installed some web-filtering software on my computer, because I can no longer access bluedragonfly.org or recoveryourlife.com. Great.
This page has been intercepted by the CyberPatrol Internet filtering software installed on this machine.
Reason: The website is inappropriate.
It says that on RECOVER your life. Wtf. Seriously, this pisses me off so much. I know this makes no sense, but I wanna b/p just to get back at him. I'm passive agressive like that. It doesnt even affect him, he wont even know, and it hurts me, but it makes sense, in my fucked up head. What a fucker. He's off singing at church like the pussy shit he is - he wouldnt even leave until he grabbed a bottle of water, so his throat wouldnt hurt and he could *stay hydrated*. I want to throw up on his pillow. That seems like it would be good revenge.
Okay, and now that I'm looking further, all my bookmarked thinspiration is blocked. Fucking great. I'm never taking this for granted anymore; i'm printing everything i find. Wasting paper, wasting ink, wasting my dads money. Whatever. I dont care. I seriously hate his the day he was born.
Fat like me (http://jaoii.lunarpages.com/) has been blocked too. Great. I just want a fucking unblocked BMI calculator. WTF!!! Note: I finally found one. My BMI is 19. They only work in whole numbers, so i dont know if that's 18.1 or 19.9. Ugh. I want to be 111: then I could have a BMI of 18, which is "underweight" for my height.
I hate myself. I seriously feel like cutting right now.
I feel so dirty and ugly. My stomach is distended from my binge. Ugh. I'm so gross.
I feel like throwing up. Not to purge the food (Well, that too), but just because I disgust myself. I'm gonna go do my homework. Alone. In my room. And maybe cry.
I'm so unpretty.
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| Wow... |
[26 Aug 2004|06:53pm] |
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mad at myself |
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music |
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Bad Religion |
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So I've been doing okay. I've been trying REALLY hard not to b/p, or purge at all. I've been skipping breakfast, and eating two apples for lunch/snack throughout the day, to get my metabolism going. However, today and yesterday I've been binging when I get home, and then I'm like "oh shit i'm trying not to purge!" so i dont purge. It feels like hell. Seriously. UGH i wish i had the control to be ana. Mia sucks so much ass. Seriously.... it's like I have COE (Compulsive over eating) or something. Re-fucking-diculous. I saw regis again today, and he's lost 50 pounds over the summer. He looks really good, I'm so happy for him. I wish I could lose weight like that. Just drop the pounds like an anorexic and a fried chicken wing.
Today in advanced composition, the teacher goes, "Today, we're all about food. We're talking about food, reading about food, writing about food." And on the board it said, "Food, glorious food!" and I was just like, "Great...." But after reading a story about offal (cooked "Extras" from an animal - ears, innards, hoofs, snouts, haggis, etc.), and then writing about and hearing about everyone's worst food that they've ever eaten, i felt much better. I was soooo scared. I won a lollipop in his class, so i gave it to a freshman that i'm always mean to. I feel bad, sometimes. Sometimes. I just didnt want to have it, mostly.
Any tips of what to do to STOP BINGING?! It's driving me nuts.
Stay strong & think thin! Love, -Bethany
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| Beautiful. |
[24 Aug 2004|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
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music |
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Bright Eyes |
] |
This lady- one of my sister's friend's moms from elementary school- saw me at target the other day with my mom. She hadnt seen me in a while - maybe... 3 years? I dont know. She said to me, "Oh, my gosh, you are so beautiful! I havent seen you in so long! Wow, you are so beautiful!!!" She said it twice. I was shocked; I'd never seen myself as beautiful. I'm getting closer and closer to whatever "beauty" is each day I lose some weight: a pound. a half pound. I bet if I cut my nails it would cut some numbers down. Maybe like... a fourth of a pound. There's a line from the movie Fight Club that goes something like, "Fight Club became the reason you cut your nails, or shaved, or the reason you got up in the morning." This is kind of what ana/mia have brought me to: I dont even care about almost anything anymore: just losing weight. Even as I sit here, I shake my legs as I type, trying to burn some more calories that I might have gained from not getting up all the brownie batter I ate and purged earlier today. It's ludicrous. And yet, to me, it all makes sense. It's all so simple: all I have to do is just... not eat. And if I eat, I'll throw it up. I'll do extra crunches tonight in my bedroom. It's become a ritual for me. Tonight, we're having spaghetti. I hate throwing up noodles. Hate, hate, hate it. Awful. The little bits of noodle... these little... theyre so small... the size of half my pinky toenail. The taste of bile, the cold milk rushing back up my throat. The caloric, starchy mass, pushing at my stomach as I stuff myself at the dinner table in front of my parents' casual conversation and small talk. I can feel the milk pushing at my throat. It wants to come out. It needs to come out. In approximately ten minutes, I am going to close this internet window, turn off my media player, Bright Eyes, shutting down. I am going to log off. I am going to stand up, and push back this leather chair. I am going to climb thirteen steps of the most hideous brown, tan, and yellow shag carpeting you have ever seen to the kitchen. I will pile my brown dinner plate with brown flowers on it high with spaghetti noodles. I will take my knife, and put a big wad of margarine on those noodles. I'll stir them up, so the butter will melt and cover those soft, warm noodles. I'll grab the can of parmesan cheese and shake it, breaking up the chunks. I'll pile that on my buttery noodles, and stir it to coat the noodles. I'll scoop the noodles on my fork, open my mouth as wide as I can, and shove those damn noodles in to my fat mouth. I'll try to chew the noodles as much as I can, but I cant stand it. I need more noodles. I know I'm going to puke them up in forty five minutes, but I know that right now, those noodles will make me so happy and satisfied, I wont want anything else in the world for half an hour. I know that in forty five minutes, I'll wish I have chewed better. I know that in forty five minutes, those noodles will taste like hell. The taste of bile, ruining my second tasting of those beautiful, golden noodles. But I wont care. I'll chug my milk at the dinner table, hoping it will help the noodles come up. It'll help. Some. I'll push back the bench, and grab my plate and my glass. I'll put them to the right of the sink to be washed. I will climb thirteen stairs covered in ivory colored middle-class carpet, and walk down the hall to the farthest corner of the house. I'll walk through my parents' room to the master bathroom. I'll take off my pants and belt and weigh myself, lamenting that i've gained six pounds from these damned noodles. Why did I do that?! I'll shove my hand as far as I can down my throat, and find the lump in my throat. I'll take my index finger and rub in circles, praying that the Goddess of Bulimia will let me purge these noodles, these high-calorie noodles, why did I eat these noodles?! They'll come out. Little chunks, whole noodles, washed in a mixture of bile and milk. Still cold. I'll blow my nose, and little chunks of spaghetti will come out with some milk and some mucus. Damn, I'll think to myself, I hope my septum wont rot. I'll shove my hand down my throat about six more times, weighing myself after each puke. Once I hit one fifteen, I'll be done. I'll finally be done. I'll wash my hands, flush the toilet, and take a kleenex and dry my teary eyes. I'll go back to my room, and thank god that that's over. I'll call my best friend, Erik. He'll ask me if I puked. He knows the answer. I'll feel like an ass. Of course I puked. But for half an hour, I will be so excited to have those warm, buttery noodles in my mouth, I wont even care. To me, those noodles are Gods. Those noodles are beautiful.
I wish I could be as beautiful as they are.
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[22 Aug 2004|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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blah |
] |
Stolen from Joy
I like how it says I'm going to lose 97% of my body. Nyahhh.
<3
I'm hovering around 115 again... Blast you, cursèd plateau. Ugh!! I want to disappear.
And my hair is falling out like mad again. Damn. My best friend Erik asked me why my index fingernail was like...bald, and the rest were really long, in front of a bunch of people and I was like "Uhh... it broke." Haha. My bulimia finger. I felt like an ass though.
Anyways, that's all of my depressing news for today.
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| Oy. |
[18 Aug 2004|09:26pm] |
I did pretty well yesterday. I had about 50 cals of rice krispies for breakfast (to get energy for band), b/ped at lunch (probably 200 =( ) and grapes for dinner. Wearing the red bracelet really does help. It's just a string tied in a knot - I found it in the junk drawer. =) Yay! So, I hope my weight is dropping. I'm getting some okay exercise at band camp (9-noon, 1:30-4:30, & 6-9). It's mostly standing around and walking in place wearing my bass drum. But, that's burning more calories than me sitting on my ass all day! Haha.
Today I did okay. Lite bread for breakfast (50), binged at lunch: mac 'n' cheese, 5 toffee cookies, and a rice krispie treat and 3 glasses of milk. I got to purge some of it, but most of it was gone. =( At dinner, I had a bunch of bacon & a scrambled egg & two pieces of toast with butter and jam. And I purged most of it. At the school bathrooms. Whoop-de-do, that was fun. *Rolls eyes*.
I promised some sort of photos to show my lack of progress, so, voila. In chronological order.
( Shield your eyes!! )
Well, off I go to go exercise and sleep.
Anyone wanna match exercises? I dont have much time this week, but if you give me specific numbers of exercises, I'll try my best. (Pinky fucking swear.)
Just leave me a note somewhere on my journal, and I'll do it & hit you back with something for you to do that I did. Eh? Haha. Yesterday I did 100 jumping jacks, 25crunches, and 30 lunges. (All I had time for).
Loooove you guys. Best of luck!!
Stay strong & think thin,
&Bethany; <3
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| Ahh!! |
[16 Aug 2004|05:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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disappointed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Aphex Twin |
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I've been doing horrible. Like... i had two dinners last night. One at my house and one at my friends. I could have had no dinner, but no, I binged and had two. I'm trying to fill this void with food, when I feel just as, if not MORE, satisfied when I'm fasting. WTF?! I'm so mad at myself. So, now I'm going for shot #3 at my 115 goal. Bugger!! I'll post some photos of me being a fatass later; I have to run to *band camp* (I play bass drum) soon, so I gotta go fix my hair and such, but I'll try to resize those photos tonight, and exercise like a bitch. I'll try to go 15 minutes of exercise right now (aka nothing) and do some more tonight. No dinner for Bethany. (No one's home right now, I'll say I had cheese and crackers). Just think of it as making up for yesterday. Off I go, to run and get prettified (if you can call it that. *Rolls eyes*). I'm gonna wear my red bracelet. Hopefully it'll remind me. =)
Good luck, lovelies. I love you all!! *Hugs*
*Muah*, -Bethany
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[13 Aug 2004|05:05pm] |
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Bright Eyes |
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Sorry I havent posted in sooo long; I've been really tired and busy.
I'm on new sleeping pills, and they're okay, but i havent been getting enough sleep anyways; i've been going to be around 11:30pm and getting up at 7am to drum. I've been going to drum camp 9-noon all week. Its fun, but extremely tiring. So usually when i get home, i take like...a 3 hour nap. *Sigh*.
I havent been doing well AT ALL. I've been trying REALLY hard not to purge. I went two days. Ugh. I b/ped today. If someone would like... make me a day's worth of food that I could eat/not eat (around 1-200 cals) I would love you forever. I just need some discipline. I was doing really well, and then i totally fucked up and gained four pounds. Ughhhhh!!! I'm gonna go exercise, so... leave me a comment, please, and i'll love you times infinity. Preferably something like... a specific exercise to do for how many reps or time (i.e. 30 mins bike riding, 100 crunches, etc.) and i'll do it. I seriously love you people, and i am getting fatter and fatter without you!!!
I love you guys so much, thanks for always being there for me.
Stay strong & think thin,
-Bethany</center
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| Health benefits... |
[09 Aug 2004|05:52pm] |
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Having trouble falling asleep? Try to exercise at least 3 hours before going to bed. Exercising more than 3-6 hours before sleeping has been shown to have a positive effect on falling asleep and staying asleep. Exertion just before sleeping will just boost alertness. Also limit liquids at least 90 minutes before sleeping. This can increase the need for you to wake up in the middle of the night to urinate.
Finally, our compulsive over-exercising has been justified!!
♥
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kissfromvenus's journal